What Damned Diet?

I'm tired of coming here saying it's a do-over. My do-over has officially died. I ate all my damned will power up. The thought of even uttering the dreaded "D" word is making me go crazy. I'm in one of those nightmares where your fat ... naked ... and everyone is looking & laughing. I'm in the mind set of why do I even care if I lose weight? I know my DH loves me no matter my size. I've been higher & he loved me just the same. I keep asking myself why am I fighting what I obviously can't control? Who knows!

Today is just another day. DS had a sleep over last night ... I guess I should call it a sleep out. They did end up coming in around 3am because it just got to cold for them. Son his saying his sick this morning. Don't know if it's because he gorged on food all night long, stayed up to late or just wanted to be a lazy kid with no chores today. I guess we shall see how quick he feels better when I head out the door for some shopping. I bet the little booger will be all better in the blink of an eye.

So, today's agenda is to give a one fingered salute to my diet. I think in the last 9 weeks I have learned if I don't call my food plan a diet I do much better. This past week I've said I'm getting back on the diet banwagon & well ... I've just fallen flat on my big round belly. Exercise ... I'm keeping up with the walking just because I like the time that I share with DH talking about a lot of nothing. Not to mention the fresh air is good for me.

I seem to coup myself up in the house for days at a time. I've always been like this, I don't know why. Maybe it's the way I grew up. When mom & dad were still married we didn't really ever go anywhere. We stayed at home & enjoyed life as a family. When the divorced mom never wanted to stay at home so it was always go-go-go ... how long can we stay gone? Even if I didn't feel like going anywhere, I still had to go. It sucked!

DH is a homebody like me for the most part but as he says ... I get out for work, you never even go outside. Besides our walks ... he's got a point. I don't think it's that I'm lazy or anything like that ... I just think I stress about the what if's way to much. What if one of my old workout buddies/students see me? I've gained so much weight. What if we're in a car wreck? Who'll take care of the kids? Just stupid stuff.

Oh well, I don't know where this entry is heading so I'll just stop it here. Have a good weekend.