According to Jim

my DH thinks I'm not losing weight cause I'm not getting in enough protien. So over the weekend ... DH says wanna try something that I know for a fact can help you lose weight fast? Ok, I'm a sucker to want to get this weight off of me so I said sure. It's called Pat's Diet Shake. His buddy in Egypt needed to shed some weight quickly because he was getting ready for a school which required he make weight. He lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Now being a woman I know I can't lose as much as this guy but I should be able to lose half of that ... right? Anyway, I think it's because the shakes are loaded down with protien ... 34g per serving. I'll be having 4 of them today then a regular dinner tonight ... hubbies home made chili. I had a shake for breakfast thinking oh year a nasty tasting shake ... OMG, it's actually very good.

	Cal	Fiber	Fat	Carbs	Prtn
Regular Coffee, 4 cup (8 fl oz)	9	0	0	0	1
Cream substitute, Coffee-mate fat free, 2 tbsp	20	0	0	4	0
Pat's Diet Shake, 1 serving	230	2	5	12	34
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup	86	0	0	12	8
	345	2	6	28	43
Pat's Diet Shake, 1 serving	230	2	5	12	34
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup	86	0	0	12	8
Apples, fresh, 1 small (2-1/2" dia) (approx 4 per lb)	63	3	0	16	0
	378	5	6	40	43
Healthy Choice Hearty Chili Beef Soup, 1 serving	180	7	2	31	14
	180	7	2	31	14
Apples, fresh, 1 small (2-1/2" dia) (approx 4 per lb)	63	3	0	16	0
Pat's Diet Shake, 1 serving	230	2	5	12	34
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup	86	0	0	12	8
Pat's Diet Shake, 1 serving	230	2	5	12	34
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup	86	0	0	12	8
	694	7	11	64	85
	1,598	21	25	163	185
	1500 - 1800	25 - 35	30 - 50	251 - 362	60 - 195

Ok, I gotta get going ...t he kids break is almost over.

That's it ... I'm done!

I learned this morning that weighing with my clothes on can really add pounds to the scale. I used to weigh all the time with my clothes on & it wouldn't make a difference. But as the pounds have crept on & my clothes have been given more material ... it now adds to 2 pounds. I was shocked to say the least. I was heart broken to see myself in the 200's this morning ... 201 to be exact. Yes, TOM is here & playing holy hell with my weight and my head. My emotions are screwy & I feel like I could have a serious melt down at any moment.

Seeing myself in the 200's brought me back to Hawaii when I looked in the mirror and honest to God didn't know who was looking back. The person I was seemed to have disapeared. I can't ... I won't ever go back to that place again. I stripped to bra & panties (probably a half pound right there) & grabbed my camera. I almost barfed!!! I looked like one of the ladies on Biggest Loser ... that's when it hit me. OH HELL NO ... this is not the life I want for myself or my kids. I don't care what it takes to lose this weight but come hell or high water it's coming off of me.

I'm not going to share the photo with you but I did make a motivation board with the front & side view of myself on it. (it's on my dresser where I can see my disgusting body as I exercise) I added small articles from my WW magazine & will continue to do so as I find a good one. A month from now I will take another front & side view & place it next to the other photos to show myself the progress. Once I make it to 150 I will think about posting all photos. It's just to much for me to share right now.

My goals?

Jeans: Now 16 ... Goal 9/10

Bra: Now 40D ... Goal 36C

Shirt: Now XL (16/18) ... Goal Medium (9/10)

I bought a pair of shoes this weekend ... I've always been a size 8 ... my feet are to fat to wear them comfortably. I want to wear my shoes. I'm noticing that even my tennis shoes are feeling really tight. If I wear them to workout I can feel the circulation being cut off by the end of the workout. How did I let myself get here? I honestly don't know. It's not like I don't exercise cause I do. No less than 4 times a week!!! It's got to be my food. Sparkpeople has me at 1500-1800 calories & I have always said it's got to be to much for my body cause I can never lose weight if I eat more than 1500 so I'm gonna be dropping it down this week & upping my cardio. Water isn't a problem for me so I'm not worried about that part either. As for my birthday on the 25th ... I'm telling hubby I don't want to go out to eat & if he brings a cake home then I'll be going to jail cause I'll slit his throat!

How to know when your DH loves you & is afraid to say your to fat? Last night I was laying in bed having myself a good ole pity party ... minus the cookies & milk that I really wanted. DH comes in to see if I'm ok. I hid the tears ... anyway I tell him that my weight is really bothering me & that I know TOM has brought the gain. He says well it can't be that bad. I said baby ... I went from 197 on Monday to 201 today. 4 pounds in 3 days. The look on his face was all I needed to see ... I swear if he would have been a cartoon character his eyes would have popped out of his head. I told him that & he said he was sorry & wished there was something he could do. I don't guess there really is anything anyone can do for a fat person but listen to them & help them see their not alone. The only problem with that is ... he isn't fat. Never has been & probably never will be. Besides my online weight loss buddies ... I'm on my own.

Food for today ...

	Cal	Fiber	Fat	Carbs	Prtn
Regular Coffee, 4 cup (8 fl oz)	9	0	0	0	1
Cream substitute, Coffee-mate fat free, 2 tbsp	20	0	0	4	0
Banana, fresh, 1 medium (7" to 7-7/8" long)	109	3	1	28	1
SLIM FAST, Chocolate Royale, 1 serving	220	5	3	40	10
	358	8	4	72	12
Slim Fast French Vanilla, 1 serving	220	5	3	40	10
Apples, fresh, 1 small (2-1/2" dia) (approx 4 per lb)	63	3	0	16	0
	283	8	3	56	10
Vegetable Beef Soup, 3 cup	474	12	11	61	34
	474	12	11	61	34
Banana, fresh, 1 medium (7" to 7-7/8" long)	109	3	1	28	1
Popcorn, air-popped, 4 cup	122	5	1	25	4
Vegetable Juice Cocktail (V8), 1 cup	46	2	0	11	2
	277	10	2	64	7
	1,392	37	20	252	63
	1500 - 1800	25 - 35	30 - 50	251 - 362	60 - 195

Exercise for today:

48 min fast walk (4 miles)

30 min latin dance video

Supplements:

1-multivitamin

1-flaxseed oil

1-fish oil

If I don't start losing weight then I'm calling the doctor ... not a military one & say I want and need some help NOW!!!

another pound ... UP

I'm sick to death of yo-yoing through my life. I'm up a pound ... I'm down by 2 ... I'm up by 4. Damn, it just sucks every ounce of will power right out of me. Sometimes I think what's the damn point? I eat healthy, I exercise ... I gain. I eat like crap & cut back on cardio & I maintain.

I guess I'm more cranky at the moment cause TOM was 2 weeks late & now that he's here he's tearing me to pieces. 2 motrim down & I feel 100 more coming before the days end. I haven't exercised yet cause in all honesty ... it hurts to stand. This isn't an excuse "Evil" ... I'll get it in. Just have to be doped up enough to endure the pain!

The only good think about TOM is food make me want to vomit. I'm having more fruit than usual cause it's low in calories & doesn't seem to turn my stomach. Soups usually seem to make me feel better to. I started first thing this morning on my homemade chicken noodle soup.

 

	Cal	Fiber	Fat	Carbs	Prtn
Regular Coffee, 4 cup (8 fl oz)	9	0	0	0	1
Cream substitute, Coffee-mate fat free, 2 tbsp	20	0	0	4	0
Banana, fresh, 1 medium (7" to 7-7/8" long)	109	3	1	28	1
	138	3	1	32	2
Peanut Butter, smooth style, 2 tbsp	190	2	16	6	8
Jams, preserves, jelly, 2 tbsp	111	0	0	28	0
Bread, wheat (including toast), 2 slice	130	2	2	24	5
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup	86	0	0	12	8
Apples, fresh, 1 small (2-1/2" dia) (approx 4 per lb)	63	3	0	16	0
	579	8	19	85	21
Chicken Noodle Soup, 2 serving	189	0	7	19	13
Yellow Cornmeal, 0.5 cup	221	4	2	47	5
	410	4	9	66	18
Apples, fresh, 1 small (2-1/2" dia) (approx 4 per lb)	63	3	0	16	0
Frozen Yogurt, United Dairy Farmers, Strawberry, 1 cup	240	0	3	48	6
Banana, fresh, 1 medium (7" to 7-7/8" long)	109	3	1	28	1
	411	6	4	92	7
	1,538	21	33	275	49
	1500 - 1800	25 - 35	30 - 50	251 - 362	60 - 195

Video/Food of the Day

This is a steamer! he he he This is one of my newest videos ... part of my Yoga Booty Ballet collection. It's Cabaret. Now I may be knowledgeable on a lot of different dance moves and although I have heard of burlesque dancing I never really knew what it was. OMG ... it's fantastic ... it's a 40's style dance where you pretent to pull up your stockings, throw your top hat off ... so many different moves but sooooo much fun. I don't know what's gonna be more fun dancing to the beat of cool 40's music, learning the moves or making the moves my own. This is my NEW favorite workout. I still have the hip hop abs video to watch/complete so I don't know if it will top this one or not. I don't see how it could. This sucker way ROCKS!!!!

	Cal	Fiber	Fat	Carbs	Prtn
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)	81	4	0	21	0
Slim Fast Shake Chocolate, 1 serving	100	2	10	20	5
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup	86	0	0	12	8
Regular Coffee, 2 cup (8 fl oz)	5	0	0	0	1
Cream substitute, Coffee-mate fat free, 2 tbsp	20	0	0	4	0
	292	6	11	57	14
Lean Pockets Chicken Parmesan, 1 serving	280	3	7	43	13
	280	3	7	43	13
Chicken Helper Cheesy Chicken Enchilada, 1 cup	350	0	9	40	27
Iceberg Lettuce (salad), 1 cup, shredded or chopped	8	1	0	2	0
Kraft Light Done Right Ranch Salad Dressing, 2 tbsp	77	0	7	3	0
	435	1	16	45	28
Lucky Charms Cereal, 1 cup (1 serving)	114	2	1	25	2
Milk, nonfat, 0.5 cup	43	0	0	6	4
Yogurt, Yoplait Light, Strawberry, 6 oz	100	0	0	19	5
Popcorn, air-popped, 4 cup	122	5	1	25	4
Grape Juice, 1 cup	154	0	0	38	1
Vegetable Juice Cocktail (V8), 1 cup	46	2	0	11	2
	579	9	3	124	18
	1,586	18	37	268	73
	1500 - 1800	25 - 35	30 - 50	251 - 362	60 - 195

Fast food, the scale, new me

 I got a new workout system & I SOOOOOOOOOO love it. It's called Yoga Booty Ballet. I have one of their videos called Goddess booty which is an amazing toning video but I have always wanted the cardio to go with it. The only problem was I could never find it onling for less than $40 & then of course the dreaded shipping & handling then they also try to get you to buy supplements to go with it & all the crap. Well, my b-day is coming up really fast. The 25th of this month & Jim was asking me for birthday ideas. I said I need clothes cause all I really have that fits me this year is shorts & tank tops. He said he would take the kids & I could go shopping for clothes. Well, as usual I couldn't find anything that I really liked. I'm either to old & can't hand with all the new styles these girls or wearing or the new style is really hidious! My daughter says it's just hideous & the reason she hates picking out clothes. =D I did end up getting me a nice cotton warm up suit, a sweater ... one of the few plain ones I could find, & of course I needed pants cause currently my 12's & 14's from last year don't fit.

My greatest find? The Yoga Booty Ballet system that is "NOT" in stores. It was $40 but it's 5 workout videos!!! a meditation video which I'm not really into. I have a really hard time concentrating on one thing for a long amount of time, 2 - hour long cardio & it's got some really funky moves to it. Another one is a toning video that is Hatha yoga & weight training for 45 minutes, the one I did this morning is an hour long with a 5 min. warm up, 30 min med. cardio dance, 20 min. hatha yoga, & a 5 min cool down stretch. I was a very good workout. I'm looking forward to popping the others in and having a blast widling away these massive inches.

D-I-E-T group has a new challenge starting today & I'm so ready to get into it. This morning I was 197.5. Not where I would like to be but lower then I thought I would be after a weekend of take out & not really any kind of cardio.

Checking in

Ok, so I'm finally checking in. I know it's been a while & I know everyone who is reading this probably thinks I went off the deep end. Well ... I didn't, not really. I'm still waiting for TOM ... he's 4 days late. I don't know what the heck is going on with me. It's like the more I weigh the less I can predict when or if he is coming at all. =(

Anyway, I had a scare ... this past weekend we were supposed to be moving my MIL from B'ham to live with us. I don't know if any of you know our history but we just don't mesh. We always start out fine ... a day or so but then it's like she isn't happy unless she is trying to stir up some kind of trouble. She was going to be moving here because she broke up with her boyfriend. He's an alcoholic & she is strung out on perscription meds ... so many in fact that pharmacies around the area don't want to fill her meds anymore. (long story) Anyway, in the end she decided to be a slave to her sister & BIL ... fine by me, means I don't have to deal with her crap.

My weight is up ... but like I said, TOM isn't here yet & I think I'm holding on to everything. Monday's weigh in was 198 & as of this morning I am 197.5. Not a huge loss but considering I haven't been eating all my fruits & veggies like I was ... I can't complain to much.

I'm still exercising ... I don't think I would be as low as I am if I weren't. On the weekends, now that it's cooler, we have been going to t he nature trail as a family & walking anywhere from 1.3-2.6 miles. It's nice. Good news ... my son who is trying to shed a couple of pounds is doing great. Back in July he was 5 foot & 132.2 pounds ... he's now almost 5'1 and 130 pounds. He's so proud of himself as we all are.

Food for today ... minus dinner cause I have no earthly idea of what I'm making.

 

25

	Cal	Fiber	Fat	Carbs	Prtn
Regular Coffee, 4 cup (8 fl oz)	9	0	0	0	1
Cream substitute, Coffee-mate fat free, 2 tbsp	20	0	0	4	0
Curves Honey Crunch Cereal, 1.5 cup	285	8	2	68	6
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup	86	0	0	12	8
Yogurt, Yoplait Light, Strawberry, 6 oz	100	0	0	19	5
	500	8	2	102	20
Bread, wheat (including toast), 2 slice	130	2	2	24	5
Ham, extra lean, (5% fat), 2 slice (6-1/4" x 4" x 1/16")	74	0	3	1	11
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 2 slice	62	0	0	5	10
	266	3	5	29
None
Yogurt, Yoplait Light, Strawberry, 6 oz	100	0	0	19	5
	100	0	0	19	5
	866	10	7	150	51
	1500 - 1800	25 - 35	30 - 50	251 - 362	60 - 195

Ok, for cardio ... I did a 1 mile fast walk this morning before anyone got up out of bed. This afternoon ... energy provided!!! I went back to taking Alli ... don't know how much it's gonna work. I thought about trying nutrisystem but it's close to $300 a month for just me. YIKES ... I can't see myself spending so much money on just me. DH said he didn't mind but I tell ya what ... if Id id that I would feel so guilty. I looked into Xenical ... the high octane formula of Alli ... I found it online at www.privatepills.com after Alli is gone I might switch over to that. I just don't know that Alli is all that strong for me. I was seeing what looked like oil in the pot while on it so I thought it was working but 3 weeks off of it & I was still noticing it. I now believe that the only thing Alli does for me is help me with my bowel movements. Istead of 1-2 a day now its 3-4. Although I know my diet isn't the healthiest it could be ... I don't take in an HUGE amount of fat.

Ok, so that's all for me. Hope to come back with an update before another 2 weeks go by.