Friday, August 1, 2008

A gift

I am now, probably for the first time in my  life, the person I have always wanted to be.  Oh, not my  body!  I sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the  baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying  that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so grand on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, or to be extravagant, if I choose.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until   noon?

I will dance with  myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will   dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. For, they, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things..

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved  one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car?

But broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding, and compassion.. A heart never broken is pristine and  sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other  people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,   but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could  have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day, (If I feel like it).

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM
THE HEART!

MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART
FOREVER AND EVER!

FRIENDS FOREVER!

4 comments:

  1. Awwwwwww what a beautiful entry Emmi, I love you just the way you are !!!!!!!!! Love you my beautiful friend Lisa XO

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  2. You made me cry ! I love this entry and you know what I needed to read this today I needed to hear this .. thanks for the inspiration
    hugs
    from your sister with another mother..
    Sherry

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  3. Beautiful entry!  Enjoy the weekend.
    Missie

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  4. Beautiful entry.... I was just looking at some pics we took this weekend at the beach, and REALLY NEEDED to read this, thank you!!!

    Joann

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